Hi My Names ‘Travis’ and I have a Problem Solving Problem…

I remember math class quite clearly.  Actually, I remember my “sexy in a bitchy librarian kinda’ way” english teacher more clearly; however, it doesn’t fit into the plot of this blog-post.  So I repeat, I remember math class quite clearly…

One of the most relevant things I learned in all of high school was the value embedded in the ability to solve a problem:

Betty and Tracy planned a 5000km trip in an automobile with five tires, of which four are in use at any time. They plan to interchange them so that each tire is used the same number of kilometers. What is the number of kilometers each tire will be used?

In all my schooling I never, ever properly considered the practical application of this skill, and, more importantly, the absolute banal frustration created by those whom it escapes.  At this point, I’m not just talking about math, you can apply it to any problem that requires solving.  All you need is:

1. Common Sense
2. An element if ingenuity
3. Tenacity beyond all reason
4. Good Communication

Intelligence helps, but it’s not compulsory.  You just have to want to solve the problem.  Consider our example above.  The first inclination for many people might be that “I am not good at math, therefore, I cannot solve this problem.”  Actually, my first inclination was that Betty and Tracy aren’t changing any tires, but that’s not the point. I would argue that you have at least five other viable options for solving this problem:

- Google it (It’s likely Travis stole this example from the Internet);
- Ask someone else (everyone knows at least a couple someone elses);
- Go back to school (if you aren’t keen on taking more classes, just go to any school, and ask a teacher);
- Trial and Error (you don’t have to be particularly bright to dream this up, but you’d have to be on another level entirely when it comes to tenacity);
- Drive 50 km over and over switching tires our randomly as you go; then when you get the answer multiply by 100 (equal parts creative and stubborn);

Enough academia, I have a practical and timely example that both illustrates my point and reads less like a textbook and more like a narrative delivered by Sir Ian Mckellen…

In April I purchased a condo.  It’s a wonderful place.  Quaint and refined in its space having black slate floors and heavy marble countertops.  By all indications it’s a place of immeasurable solace.  An oasis in the overbearing intergalactic maelstrom that represents my work life.  Yesterday afternoon I took a nap.  When I woke from my peaceful slumber, I peered out my patio window to this…

Parking

I stood, dismayed, motionless, in my Old Navy boxer shorts.  Hands squarely on my hips as my brain tried to escort my groggy consciousness through the situation.   This became exponentially more difficult when two attractive blonde women slid out of the Black Explorer, instantly sexifying the situation.   After pinching myself to ensure I wasn’t in the midst of a fortunate dream, I raced to the bedroom to dig out my problem solving hat (and put on some jeans).

I analyzed the situation in my head as I continued to watch the fray of pointing fingers and perplexy (confused + sexy) glances  flying about the parking lot.  The critical facts (as I knew them) were:

1. Those two girls looked spectacular;
2. There are twelve units in my condo building;
3. Units 1 through 5 are allocated (and marked) on the South Side of the parking lot (which you see above);
4. A “Guest Spot” is marked at the very end of the South Side (White Chevy);
5. The parking lot is meant only for owners of condo units in this building;
6. I’d seen White Chevy guy walk from that truck into the building next door dozens of times (possibly millions);
7. There isn’t room to park 6 vehicles (5 + Guest) on the South Side of the lot;
8. I (Red Explorer) am parked (more or less) in front of the stall that says 4 (since White Chevy is parked, more or less, in front of the spots that say Five/Guest);
9. My Condo Contract clearly states that I’ ve been sold a parking spot (See below, ya, I know its blurry, but trust me, it’s there).

I certainly didn’t consider this my problem to solve (there are Property Managers and Supers who are experts in this sort of highly technical minutia); however, I felt quite bad for the delightful Black Explorer chicks.  So I did what any reasonable human being would do.  I sent the following scathing email to everyone in our building…

Dudes, we gotta’ figure this out. It isn’t rocket science but it’s seriously harshing my gig…

We have 6 people trying to park on the south side of the lot (ParkingLot.jpg).  The spaces (as best I can tell) are labelled 1 through 5 + Guest.  The South Side (as best I can tell) has room for only 5 vehicles, unless we all choose to drive Smart Cars (which isn’t nearly enough for what I need to compensate for).  I’m pretty sure (but not certain) that the White Chevy Half-ton doesnt even live here (correct me if I’m wrong)?

I do know, that my Red Explorer is parked directly in front of the parking sign that clearly states “4″.  I live in 5.   Vis a vis, I expect Black Explorer person would like to punch me in the ear (and, by my estimation, they’d be well within their rights).

Here’s the thing.  My (and I would hazard to guess your) contract says “one parking spot”.   I didn’t spend 210K on a condo so I could compete for parking, much less be an irritation to my neighbours.  Can somebody please sort this out?  I work 60 hours a week and don’t have the wherewithal to organize a protest (insert tiny violin music here).

Rock On. Trav.

I tried to strike just the right balance between sarcastic-eccentricity and self-effacing-mockery.  I sat back on my bar stool and admired my work until I surveyed the list of email receivers and realized that the distribution list I’d used didn’t contain any email addresses for condos 1 though 4 (all of whom park on the South Side).  Damn.

Late last night I received this email from the condominium buildings owner…

There are 5 stalls on the north side 6-10, and 5 on the south side 1-5. Unit 12 has the front drive and unit 11 has the north space perpendicular to row 6-10. There is no guest spot on the south. Also, 4th ave parking permits are available at city hall.

Ok, it’s a nice effort, but lets face it, it won’t get him into the problem solving Hall of Fame.  He made an effort to explain “what should be happening”, but sadly, I live in a world where all that really matters is “what is happening”. 

I reported (to him) that there is a spot labelled “Guest” in the lot, and that someone who doesn’t live here is parking in that spot.  He replied that there is no guest spot on the south side of our lot.  That’s either a clever Jedi Mind Trick (these aren’t the droids you’re looking for) or completely lacking in logic.  Let’s say I call the police and report a “panther  in my living room.”   Now, let’s say the police come to my house, have a look around and inform me that “my living room is not a South American Jungle .”  Well that may be, but it isn’t going to keep the panther from shitting on my floor now is it?  To complete the analogy (and complicate the matter further) there would have to be a “Panther’s Shit Here ↓” sign hanging perpendicular to said panther, meaning I wouldn’t even have the right to rub his nose in it.

So really, if our building owner had simply relayed the information to the entire building (which he did by including the rest of them in his reply), plus the tenants in surrounding buildings (a “no-parking” sign might work, but who can know for sure really) the issue would likely be resolved.

He also implied that I could simply not park in the spot he sold me (4th ave parking permits are available at city hall), which I think is about as ingenious as one can get.

At the end of the day, you have to want to solve the problem.

Just, and I mean just, as I finished writing this blog post, I received this email from the President of our Condo Board…

If anyone has parking issues, ie: people parking that doesn’t live there, etc, call my cell at XXX-0000, I am 95% of the time in that area and I will come down and deal with it then and there to hopefully once and for all get this figured out, as for stalls maybe I will chat with [Owner] and [Super] to get some plastic signs attached to each stall post to CLEARLY designate stalls, [Owner] and [Super] please get back to me on this and we can get it together. As I have before, dealt with anybody who doesn’t belong, swiftly, to ensure that no retrobution falls apon tenants vehicles, becuase I don’t care what people in the area think of me and I don’t have a vehicle there, so please call me, we’ll get this taken care of.
President of our Condo Board

If I’m decoding this correctly (and I like to think I am) he’s going to remove all “Panther’s Shit Here ↓” signage.  We are to call him immediately upon sighting a panther and he will swiftly eliminate it (at a success rate of 95%).  He doesn’t believe anyone should have to tolerate a panther in their living room.  He also doesn’t have any pets and couldn’t give a shit what PETA thinks of him.