Passages

The Crocodile Thong - “We ate our meal contentedly amid pints of beer and the sort of conversation manufactured by the mechanisms of a friendship measured in decades.”

Two Words I Can’t Say On My Blog - “While he couldn’t hoarsely pummel me for sneaking in to watch the girls pommel horse, he could certainly threaten to.”

House of Land and Sod - “My balance bailed, my flip flops failed, and my teeth tasted that hard candy that is granites Hershey kiss.”

My Secret Admonisher II – “I (personally) find that definition to be a universally generic description possessing qualities of usefulness approaching that of a vegans’ meatloaf.”

Run Run Rasputin – “His foot struck me private (yet public) as I doubled over in a mound of indignant blondness.”

It’s A Good Thing I Can Cook – “A grown man reprimanding a seven year old boy for being afraid of the dark is like a Stag scolding a Doe for not squaring off with a Peterbuilt.”

The Night Knights – “Tiny body parts were strewn everywhere. It was like a Barbie convention for psychotic little boys.”

Freudian Sleep – “Women have many other perfectly satisfying appendages…and I am certain my trousers contain no measure of relevant jealousy.”

Oscopy – “Then I waited like a man waits for his wife to come home after he’s used the duvet as a bath towel.”

Animal Farm – “Winter isn’t claiming a cat named “Iron Pussy.”